Living La Vida Decaf…

On Sunday, February 5, I went decaffeinated. Not by choice. It just happened.  Apparently they don’t give throwback Mountain Dew to people with jittery hearts. Thus the end. No tea, coffee, pop, those little cans of whatever they put in to make you get up and go. They bounce your heart around so if it has caffeine, forget it.

Now I’m just out of step with things. I’m the guy in slow motion while the world keeps spinning faster. Everyone around me is jacked up and I’m the one up to my knees in mud. We’re fueled by the stuff, the energy drinks, the coffees, the pop, and I was right in there. When I was traveling to LaCrosse for church I’d have one Monster on the way down and another on the way back. Then pop in between. Diet pop to be sure but still full of the juice. I was in the race, scratching with everyone else for. perhaps, those few extra minutes of awake that were supposed to make the difference between success and failure. I don’t know.

Now I’m living la vida decaf. I’m tired when I’m supposed to be and sometimes when I’m not. I’m sure my ticker is happy that my foot is off the soda accelerator but I’m still trying to catch up. So this is how people lived when they didn’t have Red Bull. The day just did what it wanted to do and you floated along as you could. Sun rise, sun set, work hard, go to sleep. Nothing buzzing, nothing fluttering, nothing wide awake at a time when nature normally says “Go to bed.”

I’m in the eye of the storm, watching the world swirl around me. It’s good because its calm, and quiet, and a lot less jumpy. Yet in a 24 /7 world I’m feeling like a throwback, like someone who just doesn’t get it, an upright bass at a Metallica concert. Some time before early February I had energy to spare and now I bounce along in the current. Maybe this is part of what Jesus meant when he said “Come unto me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.”  It just takes some getting used to.

Thoughts…

How do I love you God?
Not tolerate, not obey, but love?
Mystics clamor for you. I do my duty.
They say when You meet them all is well and soul and source are one.
I do my duty.
I know in my mind. I believe in the facts.
I trust the witnesses. I obey the commandments.
But do I love?
I have no idea.
And that which is more escapes me,
somehow I know many things
but not Abraham’s bosom.
How do I love you God?
Help me to know so that solace will not escape me.

Default Mode…

People, myself included, often wonder what God would be having them to in this life. There’s at least one answer, Matthew 25. It seems that all the things listed there are what Christians should be about, the default mode if you will for how we should be using our time. Do those things and your life will stand the test, it will be a life well lived according to the only One whose opinion really matters.

A Good Thought…

 

How blessed and wonderful, beloved, are the gifts of God! Life in immortality, splendor in righteousness, truth in boldness, faith in confidence, continence in holiness: and all these things are submitted to our understanding. What, then, are the things which are being prepared for those who wait for Him? The Creator and Father of the ages, the All-holy One, Himself knows their greatness and beauty. Let us then strive to be found among the number of those that wait, that we may receive a share of the promised gifts.

St. Clement of Rome, Letter to the Corinthians 35.1-4 late 1st century

More Wisdom..

Not only should we observe moderation with food, but we must also abstain from every other sin so that just as we fast with our stomach, we should fast with our tongue. Likewise, we should fast with our eyes; i.e. not look at agitating things, not allow your eyes freedom to roam, not to look shamelessly and without fear. Similarly, arms and legs should be restrained from doing any evil acts.

Abba Dorotheus of Gaza, 6th century

Sinus Rhythm…

About 9 this morning one of my doctors told me I was back in sinus (normal) rhythm. That means my heart is, at least temporarily out of atrial fibrillation. Something we take for granted, the steady thump thump of our heart, and now mine seems back into some semblance of normality.

I don’t know exactly who to thank. There were friends, family, strangers, Saints, all praying for me. There were doctors and nurses and all kinds of medical people helping me through. The glory, ultimately, belongs to God who heals and is the source of all helpful and healing wisdom but I’m grateful to everyone who stood in the gap for me.

Of course it’s not over, yet. It may not be over until I pass on into eternity. This thing will be hanging over my head, the shadow always in the background. Yet I’m not going to worry too much. Life throws things at you and you need to do what you need to do. In my case it was to draw closer to God and find a way to work back to health so that I can serve Him.

God has always given me grace more than I deserve and these past days have been no exception. The only thing I want out of the rest of my life is to be whatever God wants me to be. That’s a scary promise, for sure, but I’m going to try my best to fulfill it. My heart tells me I’m getting older and that my systems can have trouble and even fail. My faith tells me I’m each day a little closer to being where I was meant to be in the first place. Between then and now is my life and I hope to make the best of it, the best of it meaning God’s best.

Thank you for all your prayers. I am moved by them. To whatever Saint(s) was interceding for me thank you. Gracious God help me to remember to number my days so I can increase in wisdom.

 

Whitney Houston…

Artists need to understand something.

You may feel that your art is an expression of some of the deepest parts of your being. Often that’s very true. You may see it as the work of your lifetime, the reason you get up in the morning, the beauty in the drabness. Yet to the people who make a living off from your creativity its a business, a way to make money, and you are the one delivers the commodity they sell.

There’s a whole group of people out there who eat from your table. They scour the world looking for the next big thing and if they can find it, find a way to package and market it for sale, the people who provide it can become famous in an instant and fabulously wealthy. That a big “if” by the way.

Its a dark arrangement. As a musician you must sell your art in one form or another if you want to make a living at it so you find yourself in relationships with people who want to exploit your work for profit. There’s nothing necessarily bad about it but you, as an artist, need to understand that when push comes to shove you’re a commodity, your gift is something to be traded on the market. You may not like it but sometimes your masterpiece ends up as a car commercial. You get a check, they get your soul. Yet it keeps food on the table and that’s not all bad.

Whitney Houston was beautiful, possessed of an impossibly good voice, and when she was on her game she glowed like the sun. Even if you didn’t like her work you had to admit to the talent behind it. Now they say she may have been broke when she died. Who knows? Rumors. Yet she seemed to be in trouble, pills, alcohol, life stresses. They say you could hear it in her voice. Maybe as long as the money rolled in nobody particularly cared what happened. Just prop her up, get her on stage, and count the cash. Maybe the mythology of fame overcame her until one day her body couldn’t pay the bills. I don’t know.

I’m just sad for her. In the end there were reports that people in the music business were raising the prices of her downloads and who knows what album is yet to come. She’ll get none of it, maybe her family will. She seemed to be a beautiful and gifted soul who became a commodity with everybody trying to get a piece of the action. When the value began to diminish she became just another crazy celebrity and the industry  moved on to the next voice to sell.

All I wish her is peace. I want her to be that little girl again singing in her church without the thought of schedules, sessions, business people, and no other fan than God. I suspect the good things can be very cool, but you’ve got to keep your heart.